Do you ever wonder why presenting the Gospel authentically to non-believers can be so hard?
A friend told me the church comes across to her as a private club that values outsiders mainly as potential members. To her, it seems to completely undermine sincere relationship building if an organization looks at people as “targets” to convert. I couldn’t agree more.
If our sole purpose of communication is to convert others, potentially meaningful interactions become transactions.
A favorite quote of mine is Maya Angelou’s words of wisdom;
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
So, how do we meet people where they’re at?
In this week’s blog, I dive into one fundamental principle of effective communication.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
The principle of “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” is a crucial aspect of effective communication, as highlighted in the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
Do you prefer to be convinced or to feel understood?
The truth is, none of us like to be “sold to” or convinced of anything. We like to believe that we are in control of our own thoughts and actions.
So, how do you move someone to action without convincing them to do it?
You start by understanding their worldview, which is a set of pre-existing beliefs about the world, how it works, and how it should work. Then, by appealing to those beliefs, we can find common ground to build a persuasive argument. The key is that the action we want them to take must originate from their beliefs, not ours.
Human connection specialist Brian Miller illustrates it this way: What do we do when a plane takes off without us? We don’t chase it down the runway. His point is that we shouldn’t take off with our message without ensuring the passengers—the audience—are on board.
But that’s precisely what we tend to do in speeches, campaigns, and marketing collateral. The audience will not chase our message down the runway but rather re-book their flight or head for another destination.
We see it a lot within climate communication. Doomsday messaging engages a small group of activists. However, most people don’t know how to act when not presented with viable alternatives. It doesn’t mean people don’t care; it just means they’re not met where they are.
Chase the Problems People Are Experiencing
Bestselling author Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand.” They listen with the intent to reply. This is such a crucial insight.
Anytime we purchase a product, we are not seeking to buy the product itself; we seek a solution to a problem the product may solve. This is a fundamental principle of effective communication: to engage people, we must address their problems.
Once we’ve identified and understood the receiver’s core beliefs, we can articulate their problem. In other words, we acknowledge how they wish the world were and then discuss what’s stopping them from creating that world.
Once you’re talking about their problem—not “a” problem or “any” problem, but “their” problem—they’ll start listening.
Marketers use the analogy of vitamins and painkillers to highlight the difference between nice-to-have and need-to-have. Vitamins are the first category. I know I want them, it would be great to have them, but I don’t need them. Whereas if I’m in pain, I will go reach for that ibuprofen. We must make sure that our products and services are that painkiller.
The Gospel is both vitamins and painkillers, but the selling point is the painkillers.
Unfortunately, I rarely see this principle reflected in organizations' websites and marketing. Most of the time, communication exists only at the level of the solution without ever clearly articulating the problem that their ideal audience actually experiences. It would be like trying to sell someone a car without first learning if they know how to drive.
As church leaders, you must consider and identify the problems your ideal audience is actively trying to solve and connect to those points. We will address this in more detail later on, but it is important to reflect on this now.
Focusing on the actual challenges people face and presenting the true story of Jesus and the Gospel as solutions to those problems will give more people a reason to learn about what your church or organization is about. Why? Because you meet them where they are.
Empathy is the antidote to righteousness.
Have a great rest of the week! See you next Wednesday 😀
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